(This is going to be the last chapter in my series call Me The Police &Dexters. The reason for this will become apparent as you read on.

I have tried to be fair to all parties mentioned in this chapter and have tried to be objective as I can be in the circumstances.

Thank you all for your support in reading this series of stories and I hope you enjoy this last episode. Thank you Al)

The snow of early February had gone as soon as it had come, I had to go back to work, a little sore after my sledging on the 2^nd.  Not only had the snow brought the whole of the southeast to a standstill Pancake had also decided it was far to cold to have her calf. So the long waiting game started with me going over to the field every couple of hours to check on the girls, and when I was a work Tracey was going over. Mark and I had set up lighting in the barn a few months earlier so we had light which was a god send. Two weeks past and still no sign of the calves in fact it was Isabella that look likely to give birth first. We (Tracey and I), where still doing 2 hourly checks on the girls during the night.

   On the 18^th of February, I had been on a late turn and on my way home popped over to the field to check on the girls before going to bed. It was about 2220 when I got there, it was a clear cold night, the sort of night when you could see your breath. The first thing that greeted me was the sound of one of the girls bellowing, a sure sign she was giving birth. I ran to the shed and plugged in the extension lead that I had rigged up, as we had no direct power in the barn, I then ran to the barn. As I opened the door I saw Pancake standing with he back to me her sides squeezing in steam rising from her back and a little calf just born lying on the straw behind her. I walked into the barn making reassuring noises and telling her what a good girl she was.  Pancake looked fine, the calf still had a lot of mucus around his face, I cleared the calf's face and he took a breath and tried to stand, stumbling about. He was jet black and looked to have good form, a nice straight back.  I phoned Tracey to let her know we had a calf, and then tried to get hold of Mark, I phoned his mobile, the normal number I contacted him on, but the phone was turned off, after several attempts I left a message on his answer phone. I was a little surprised to find the mobile turned off, as I had had spoken to mark and told him that the birth was going to happen sooner rather than later and that I may need him to come down if we had any problems. Still nothing had gone wrong in fact we had a healthy calf.

I spoke to mark the next day and he said that his phone had been playing up and that he hadn't got the message until that morning.

A couple of days later Mark came over to have a look at the new arrival, I had by this stage registered the calf and arranged for Keith to come over and help us band and tag the calf.

 Mark told me that he wouldn't be able to come over on the day that I had arrange for Keith to come over as he had made other arrangements, this was becoming a bit of a pattern. It seemed that every time something big had to be done Mark had made other arrangements. Unfortunately there are things that have to be done when you own/raise livestock and occasionally you have to make sacrifices. I never expected Mark to be over the field every day but I did expect him to be there when I needed him, and he rarely was.

Right from the beginning Mark had made excuses not to be there when needed, but in my excitement to get things up and running I had made excuses for him. He hadn't been there when I first went to meet Sue, he wasn't there when I went to meet David and Keith to buy the stock, he wasn't there when I had tried twice to blue tongue them or when I went to pick up the crush and then pick up four loads of hay (60 bales at a time) There had been someone there on all these occasions, someone that had helped when the boys got out, someone who had arrange for me to use a 4X4 and trailer to pick all this stuff up, Tim. Tim had been there every time I needed him or to put it another way had been there every time I needed Mark, but Mark had been unable to get there due to some other prior engagement. On two previous occasions I had questioned Mark's commitment to the project and both times he had assured me he was totally committed, and that once his move to Royalty happened he would have more time to help out. (Mark was transferring departments within the Police and his shift would change from an eight hour shift pattern to a twelve hour one, giving him more days off)

Isabella was still holding on to her calf, I think she had seen Pancake give birth and had decided that it looked a bit painful so she would hold on until the last minute.

I continued to do 2 hourly checks on her at night and between Tracey and I we kept her under good observation.

 On the 28^th February I was on an early turn and arrived at the field at about 1500 hours, again it was obvious that something was happening I could here bellowing coming from the barn. I went to the shed and turned on the lights although it was still light enough to see without it. I then went to the barn and could see Isabella standing there eating hay, while Pancake was pacing up and down bellowing, and winding up big boy (last years steer), I could see that Isabella's waters had broken but there was still no sign of the calf, I phoned mark on his home number and told him what was going on, he said that there seemed little point in his coming over as he would have to get through rush hour traffic and by the time he got there the calf would be born, I had to agree with him it was un likely he would make it in time. I told him I would keep him informed and decided to ring Keith as I wasn't happy that Isabella still showed no sign of calving although her waters had broke.

On speaking to Keith he agreed it was very unusual and that he would expect her to be lying down and pushing if the waters had broken. He told me to keep an eye on her and if nothing had happened in the next 15 minutes give him a call back and he would come over.

I phoned Mark back and was telling him what Keith had said, it was then that I noticed that Isabella had mud all down her right hand side, it was like someone had just punched me in the face, that wasn't her broken waters I could see it was afterbirth, she had given birth, that is why she was eating, and the calf was in trouble that was why Pancake was going mad. I ran through the barn, Pancake was throwing her head about and making a lot of noise, I ran out into the small yard at the back of the barn but could see no calf, the area was secure there was barbed wire on three sides and a stream on the other. I turned to the stream and there on her knees was a little calf, shivering and soaking wet, I leapt into the stream and pulled her out, rushed her back into the barn and started to dry her with hay and straw, I grabbed hold of her and started to rub the afterbirth over her back to try and get a smell onto her that her mother would recognise and accept. I had already phoned Tracey and she was on her way over. I put the calf back into the pen with Isobella and left them to bond, keeping an eye on them from outside the barn. I phoned Keith and explained what had happened, and he said that I had done the right thing and that isobella would take to the calf in time and not to worry. I couldn't believe what an idiot I had been to not fence that part of the yard properly. Issobella must have gone outside to give birth and the calf must have tried to get to her feet and stumbled into the stream. Unable to get her out Issobella had gone back into the barn delivered her afterbirth and then started to eat to get her strength back. Meanwhile Pancake the dominant cow had taken up the mantle to alert me of the danger, something I had ignored.

 I contacted mark again it was now about 1730ish and again said he could see any point in coming over, I was too tired to argue.

Tracey and I stayed down the field until about 2300, and only when we were sure that the calf was feeding properly did we leave and go home. The following morning I got up at 3am and went to work, exhausted.

I arranged for Keith to come over and check the calf out for me and to help me tag her, again Mark had something else on so couldn't make it.

By this time I was feeling absolutely drained I had spent the last month working in London and getting up ever 2 hours to check on the girls, now that all the excitement was over it hit me, I was exhausted, and feeling very ill. I took a week off work, but still had to run the smallholding.

I contacted Mark and asked if he could come over on one of his rest days to help clear the stream of all the winter windfall that had helped top block the stream in places. He agreed and the cancelled at the last minute leaving me and Tracey to do it which was fun, I had by now developed sickness and diarrhoea, so between shovelling and clearing I was being sick and shi... well you get the picture. We cleared the stream and a few days later Mark turned up and helped me clear the bushes that had overgrown the stream last summer.

 By now it was well into march and the calves were growing well, getting bigger by the day, the grass was coming back into the field, so I decided to let the herd out. That was a great moment. They all ran around the field leaping and jumping, the calves were exploring every inch of the field under the watchful eye of there mothers and me, it was a real vision of spring. There was blossom on the trees, the sun was getting warmer, and I had five cows running about in the field. life doesn't get any better.

 I had seen our first winter come and go survived the worst snow in over 20 years in our part of the country, and had two beautiful calves. That although were destined for the freezer, would have 30 months of  good living and I would have raised my own meat from birth right through to the final stages. Now some people may think that that is a morbid thought, looking at your calves and thinking of the freezer, but that is the reason I started this project, to know were my food comes from, and having eaten the first steer I had raised I knew it would be well worth it.

Easter was fast approaching, the weather was getting warmer and everything seemed to be going well. Mark had started his new job and seemed to be enjoying it,

Then on Good Friday at about 4 in the afternoon, I got a phone call from Mark, he said that he was going to have to pull out for personal reasons, stating that he was unable to continue his financial commitment to the business.

 (This would have been a total shock if I had not heard a couple weeks before, through a third party, that Mark was considering withdrawing from the business as he was going to move department, and wanted a new start. When I had challenged this person they had stated that they had probably gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick. At the time I thought no more of it, as every time I had questioned Marks commitment to the business he had reassured me he was fully committed. As you can imagine after the phone call I was a little sceptical as to his reasons for pulling out)

Mark suggested that I could buy him out and continue on my own. I listened to what he had to say, and because I had had a drink, told him that I would have to speak to Tracey and that I would call him on Tuesday as there was little I could do until then.

I came off the phone and told Tracey about the phone call, she was less than impressed by the whole situation. We sat down and started to work out the costs of keeping the business going ourselves.

The problem was that we had had to pay out over the winter for feed and bedding, and we had a sizable overdraft on the business account already. However we approached it, we could not see how we could keep going without Marks financial support, and still have meat for our own freezer. The only way we would be able to do it was to sell the next 3 cows after slaughter, but this would mean spending the next 2 years raising beef to sell with no beef for our own freezer. The whole project had been set up to supply 2 families with enough beef for ourselves with a little bit to sell on. Even if we did decided to do this, we had not taken into account any other financial burden such as medical, maintenance of fencing or more grazing land. So after spending the weekend trying to work out how we could keep things going we came to the conclusion it would be impossible to continue with the project in its current form, even if Mark and I could agree a price for the buyout.

   On Tuesday I phoned Mark and it became apparent that we were not going to agree on what the business was worth. Mark was under the impression that our assets included the field, fencing, barn, water supply as well as the livestock. I explained that everything apart from the livestock and cattle crush belonged to Sue, and as part of our rental agreement with Sue, we had agreed to put up fencing, supply water and maintain the field for her. In return we got the field for a nominal rent (£1 per year). We then discussed the value of the livestock, and again had very different ideas of their value; Mark thought that the 2 calves would get the same price at sale as the steer and 2 heifers, I explained that this was not the case. In the end it became clear that we were not going to agree on the value of our assets, so we agreed that the only way forward would be to sell the Livestock and crush, pay off the overdraft and spilt the difference.

I spoke to Keith to ask his advice about the situation, and he agreed with me that the only assets we had were the cattle and the cattle crush. He advised me to advertise the herd as a whole and offered to place them on his website. I also advertised them in Smallholder Magazine and through the local press. Within a couple of weeks we had had interest from a local couple who had a 14 acre smallholding near                     West Chiltington, Sussex.

Andrea and her husband came round and we agreed a price for the sale of the Dexters and the cattle crush.

A week later they turned up and the Dexters were loaded onto the back of their trailer, and the dream was over.

After all expenses were taken out, we walked away with just over £25 each.

As Mark put it "Not a lot to show for all our hard work!"  Mmmm

I didn't care how much money we came out with, my dream had been shattered, Tracey and I had worked day and night on the smallholding and it had been taken away and there was nothing we could do about it.

It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the whole situation but, with hindsight, I should have seen the signs. Mark and I had only known each other for a short time, and although at the time it seemed to both of us that we had the same dreams, it became apparent that we had very different ideas of what this dream would mean in reality. I knew what was entailed in running a smallholding, I had seen it first hand at my cousin Gary's place in Cornwall, I knew how much hard work was needed to raise my own livestock. Mark, had never seen it first hand, and although I don't think he thought it was going to be like the "Good Life" he never really realised how much work and commitment was needed, and by the time he did realise it was too late, and from that point onwards was looking for an excuse to get out..

Since the sale of the cattle I have continued to grow my own veg and make my own wine, the chickens are still laying, and I have made some enquiries about Bee keeping, as well as speaking to Sue about the possibility of keeping a few pigs in the field.

Over the last 2 years I have learnt so much about running a smallholding and although for me it didn't work out this time, I don't regret a moment of it, okay maybe 1 moment.

One thing I have really enjoyed is the writing of these blogs/articles, and I am thinking about writing a book about my experiences.

I would like to thank Tracey for all her support and hard work. Tim for all his hard work and help when I needed it. Keith for all his advice and help and Sue, for allowing us to use her land and giving me a chance to live my dream. Lastly I would like to thank all of you for reading the blog.

The dream is not over it's just on hold.

Al Beazley November 2009

x

Send to a Friend

Email:

Submit